It's a great attempt! I'd try to keep the overall look simple; you're using too many planes. For your red overlay, you kept a lot of the features relatively simple (rectangle for nose, circle eyes, etc.). When you tried to add the planes of the head, the overall shape language used was a lot more complex (especially right above the eyes) where you used a bunch of small shapes).
Also, keep your line art cleaner so as to accentuate the planes and overall shape.