Feb '23

Working on my new character for an upcoming game of ICON RPG and decided to make a learning process of it. I've never really pushed myself to make a character sheet to with this level of detail, so I wanted to challenge myself this time around.
That said, I also wanted to be patient. So I let this WIP sit for a few days while I did other things and I want to come back to it with fresh eyes. I realize it's still rough, but do you all spy anything that's in dire need of addressing?

Feb '23

Nothing is in DIRE need of addressing.

But here are some ideas.

We have several faces, but if there is an expression of which you could choose only one, make that the portrait. We have almost half the page is emotes of the character.

I thought 'waterskin' was pointing to the skin of the character it took me a moment to not be confused. I thought your character had 'water skin' and it was a scar of some kind that is why his skin is all red.---One of the things I always preach here is show us, dont tell us.

On that note, your character is as tall as Shaq! And the only reference we have for that is the 7'6" note. There may be a way to put a reference of something next to them to seam their actual height. But I didn't include that in the example sheet.

And maybe this is me being picky here, but I cannot tell what is happening in the bottom right.

----Moving on---

I read the Description, and it's interesting.

I can see the Elden flame and the shape of the character reflects a bit of a fire type of personality. However...

Consider yourself challenged. You have Expensive expressiveness, Dangerous to be intimidating and Comfortable for practicality BUT their true motivation is a scholar of the Arden Eld.

Expensive
Dangerous
Comfortable
Scholar

Another suggestion I often tote is to choose one of your traits over the other. Almost like a character creator part of a game, but instead of the size of body parts, its based on the ideas.

Say you have a hundred points to put into all four of those traits. All equal, they are boring, a little bit of everything kind of mish mashed. But if you push one of these sliders over a bit more and the others have to go down, now we are playing with an interesting shape design idea.

Some of the elements should be increased in their size for your page, to express their importance, the layout is very important. Not to mention the pyre explosion, smoke and Lance specials.

You can make a consistent layout for all your characters to make a collection for a campaign, or every one can be a piece of art. We dont have to have the description take front and center, and some of the things are really cool and I think they got crowded. I hope this helps you out. Let us know if you need help with the finished piece. Good luck!

Feb '23

Oh, man. Thanks for such an in-depth response! I was definitely gonna use the opportunity to draw everybody's character sheets and practice some design work, so I'll be keeping this in mind and it'd be nice to keep the sheets somewhat consistent in format.

Fun note; Troggs are considered mature at 40, average between 7-8 feet at that time, and never stop growing in their multi-century lives. But anyhow, I see your point about representing his imposing stature and I'll come up with something to compare his size to. Having some of his buddies around him comes to mind immediately. Maybe too, to a fellow party member.
As far as the Lance move in the bottom right, both that and Pyre were meant to show a short, two-pose sequence; holding the fireball and throwing it, charging up before blasting the mouth lazer. I think I like your example, just showing Pyre as a single pose. Though I'm going to change that pose altogether I'm fairly certain. It gets the point across well enough I think, but in retrospect, I can't see him actually doing that pose.
Regarding Lance, the ideas was that he was charging up, blowing smoke and getting ready to pull his mask aside for the blast. I'm sure part of the reason it's unclear is there's not much space given for him to show him doing the actual fire blast. I'll remedy that.

Regarding the descriptors, I feel like I leaned the most heavily into Dangerous and Expensive, his appearance being intimidating while his garb suggests a certain level of status as a Churner(which are merchants in the game setting). Figured I could maybe invoke a different culture's version of a mobster in an expensive suit.
That said, you're correct in that his driving motivation in the game isn't represented in his design at all. And I won't hide behind it being a subversion of expectation haha. I'll definitely think on what I want to add to remedy that in the next couple of days.

I of course appreciate your response as a whole, but I really REALLY appreciate this bit. Really gotta do some homework on formatting. Or at least better apply what I already know about composition.

Again, I really appreciate such a thorough response and I'll work on applying what you've addressed for this and future sheets! For fun, have some of the throwaways before I got to his current outfit. Of course, even the presented outfit isn't necessarily final either.

Feb '23
1

Revised Pyre pose before bed

1 A.M. Update
Messed with the format. I'm liking this set up, though it would sacrifice the gear detail shots. And, of course, it would eliminate my idea to simply give him a pack with a personal journal, ink, and feather. Really gotta consider how to show off his scholarly motive in his design. :Ic

Feb '23
1

Your very welcome Im glad it helped.

This is all Very cool! This is great development.

One of the things I forgot to do was flip the lance and smoke drawings around. This will help the composition of the page by keeping the viewer in the frame instead of possibly leading them off of it.

The other drawings are cool too

Feb '23

Ohhh, good point, good point. I'll address that.