Day 31

Today is gesture and figure study day! I nice change of pace mid-week. This time I decided to use a different resource for at least part of it. Croquis Cafe is a great YouTube channel that puts of life-drawing model videos once a week. They've got quite a large collection and it's a great resource if you don't have actual life drawing classes in your area. Though I did end up switching back to Line of Action for the last one. This was simply because I could set it up for a longer study.

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So that's day 31. I think I may finally be over my cold now (fingers crossed) so hopefully I'll be able to start carving out more time each day for drawing.

More to come.

Day 32

Genuinely feeling better but still have very little extra time unfortunately. At the moment my extra time is being taken by putting together a demo level for the indie game. A slow but fun process.

Sitting here and thinking about it I have to acknowledge that there's at least a part of me that is grateful that I'm so busy because it's easy busy. Coming up with things to draw is hard and it always takes a lot of effort to get a project moving forward. Once I'm in, I'm in and I have no problems. But getting started requires real effort that is sometimes so hard to make.

This is why I have often been caught in the trap of just doing studies. Studies are easy. What you have to do is already laid out in front of you.

This means I need to make time soon to get back to doing some original work. The longer I let "I'm busy" remain an excuse the harder it will be to take that step.

So today was hand studies day. I've finally managed to finish the hands portion of that DVD. When I get back to this next week I plan to look into a few other sources and do a brief study there before moving on. Should be fun, and I already feel like I've learned a lot.

Of course, sometimes you just have one of those days where things just don't seem to go right. When I got to my own studies from reference this morning I struggled so much. The first one (upper left of the lower three) eh, okay. A struggle, and not really successful, but I kind of got there in the end. Originally I had drawing the fingers at too much of a slant when coming from the palm. But I think what's really screwing it up here is the thumb which is stil just wrong, despite my best efforts.

The second hand (upper right of the lower three) came out much better though there are still some issues. Mostly I think with the placement of the fingers as they attach to the palm.

The final hand just failed. I don't really know what happened. Looking at it now I can see that the proportions are a mess, It's too long, it doesn't have the depth it needs to accommodate the fingers being bunched into a fist, and I think the whole thing is just skewed. I added a little frowny face to reflect how I felt even at the time.

We live and learn.

More to come.

Day 33

Ooof, this seems to be my week to just fall short. I mean, I guess it hasn't been that bad but it feels like virtually every day I've said something along the lines of "I really struggled with this one." And today is no exception.

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All in all it was probably a good struggle and I think I can say that I came out of it feeling like I learned something, but I also kind of came out of it feeling like I've got so far to go it's not even funny.

The second one was a bit easier on me. Nice stylized character design from "Jellybots" by Nicholas Kole.

All in all I'm quite pleased with this one. Getting the large shapes down was easy enough and it really gave me time to focus on the shapes themselves. That is, the shapes that make up the form.

This is probably my biggest lesson going on right now. How important it is to have good shape, not just the larger shapes that make up the silhouette or composition, but the shapes that describe the form as well. I think this is why so many of my old paintings were such a struggle for me. I was so focused on blending and creating smooth transitions between values that I was ignoring the shapes that described the form.

Hopefully that's a lesson I'll take to heart fairly quickly.

More to come.

Day 34

Day 34 has come and gone and for the most part I'm happy with what I've accomplished today. Though there has been so much going on lately and I've been pushing myself so hard that I fear I'm on the cusp of burnout. I need to work to avoid that as much as possible while still finding the time to draw everyday. Not really sure how I'm going to manage that. But I'll find a way.

Today I spent an hour or so and "finished" this character portrait. I say finished in that I mean I don't intend to work on it anymore. There's still a lot that could be done to it. I'm almost tempted to spend a little more time on it just to fix that ear alone. But no. I think I've learned everything from this painting that I needed to learn for now and, given that it was only supposed to be a quick experiment in the first place, I don't see a whole lot of point in continuing. Better to take what I've learned and move on to something new.

For my part I've taken two major lessons from this.

1: Value and texture is more important that color. Get those laid in as early as possible as accurately as possible and gradually turn up the saturation as you go.

2: Good shape is super important. Not just the big shapes, the silhouette and contours, but the graphical shapes that make up the form. The big value shapes. They should be purposeful in their design, as purposeful as the image as a whole. Even without things like details and "blending" good shape will read clearly and be good in its own right.

Valuable lessons I feel.

So that's all from day 34. More to come.

Day 35
Recording error so no video today. Not a great loss, unfortunately.

What a disaster of a day. In truth I don't even want to share my work today, such as it is. But not doing so would defeat the purpose of this, so I will.

This was a study. A study of fan art for fan art. The art is The Legend of Zelda - Tetra by Gonzalo Ordóñez Arias and I don't do it justice by half. Even getting it to this point was a struggle for some reason. Then the rest of the day just went sideways. I had planned on doing a few more studies at least, but I just never managed to get back to it. I also have to state that it was only partially out of my control.

Yes, things went sideways. Yes, it was a busy day. But there was a point by mid afternoon where that was no longer true. But by then I was just so drained and demoralized that I had no energy left to commit to drawing.

Yet that in and of itself is a problem for me. Because I'm beginning to understand that if I don't work. If I don't remain at least somewhat productive, I get depressed. That depression then makes it really hard to do anything productive, which leads to more depression. I've got to find a way to break that cycle, especially on the weekends when my day is nowhere near as structured as it usually is during the week.

But I feel like I've learned a lot more from this as well. Both the events of yesterday and just the process of making sure I draw every day and doing this blog/vlog. I've heard a lot of artists say that to be successful as an artist you either have to love the process, or you have to learn to love the process.

I don't love the process. In fact, nine times out of ten I am either bored or frustrated by the process. Oh sure, I have those moments that every artist has where the flow state is easily attained and the image seems to draw itself while you watch. But as we all know those moments are few and far between. Is that enough? I don't know. But I do know that I need to learn to love the process or this is never going to work.

I think that part of the problem comes down to the fact that I'm still just doing studies most days. I still am falling into that trap of doing the thing that is easy and not the thing that is harder but more fulfilling. Studies are important and I really believe that right now especially I need to be doing a lot of them. But I cannot only do studies. I have to do art that I care about. If I'm not doing art I care about then the studies are for nothing.

In an effort to change that I'm adding more to my minimum required drawing each day. Now, in addition to an hour of studies every morning, I will commit to an hour of personal work as well. That way at least some progress is being made and, hopefully, it will start giving me enough momentum to come back to it later on in the day when I find myself with extra time.

Hopefully.

So here's to learning to love the process.

More to come.

Day 36

So I'm struggling. Struggling to do this everyday. Struggling, somewhat, with my own personal resolve. And those are really two different struggles.

I've got so much going on right now that I just don't know if I can keep posting every day, not just here but the videos as well. It seems like it's not that bad. On a good day it takes me only about 30 minutes to write these posts and edit the video. But some days it takes an hour. Some days even a little more.

Even 30 minutes seems to eat in the time I have to actually draw. Right now there are so many different demands on my time I don't feel like I can keep up with all of them, but they are all important.

So I may decide to do a vlog/blog once a week instead of everyday. But I have to admit that the thought makes me sad because the whole point of this was to track my work daily. To motivate myself to draw daily. Switching to once a week opens the door for an excuse to be lazy and not draw something. Hmmm.

I'm not making any decisions yet. I just need to think about it.

So today I'm back to studying hands. I'm done with the DVD and am on to studying some Bridgman. Today what I tried to do, and hope to continuing doing, was to study one of his breakdowns, and then draw a similar hand from photo reference in an attempt to immediately apply what I learned.

I would say that this feels fairly successful to me. I think that my finger widths and placements are a bit off, and I still feel some flattening around the base of the palm where it connects to the wrist. I should really watch out for those things, but over all this felt mostly successful.

The least successful part was my attempt to find a similar hand gesture. A process which took a great deal more time than it should have. I think in the future I will just go for something close in my existing collection of reference material rather than wasting time trying to find something that matches almost perfectly. A thing that I long ago discovered is virtually impossible and I don't know why I thought I could do it in the span of a few minutes in this instance.

More to come.

Day 37

Things are changing. I once again find myself struggling to push forward. I'm seriously contemplating moving to once a week posts/vlogs rather than daily, as much I don't want that to be the case.

But I'm faced with two serious obstacles right now. One is time. I just don't have enough of it right now. I'm stretched too thin and have too many commitments that I can't walk away from. Taking 30 minutes to an hour every morning to write up posts and slap together a vlog just isn't a viable option at the moment.

The other is my study tunnel-vision. I want to do studies and really emphasis learning and getting better. But, because of that first obstacle, I don't have the time to regularly do studies and my own work. I need to be able to take time to make art that I care about because the lack of it is making me not care about art.

So I'm going to try changing directions. I still haven't made a decision concerning what to do about the daily stuff, but at least for a while I'm going to experiment with focusing primarily on my own work and trying to find those things that I still care about.

I don't know if I'm truely cut out to be an artist, but I do know that the surest way to drive myself away from it is to force myself to focus on things that I don't care about.

Today I did a study of some more of Cedric Peyravernay's concept art for Dishonored 2. Still focusing on the hands. This was a surprising struggle. I think I may have tried to make them too big early on and spent a lot of time and effort working to correct that. There are definately other proportional issues, such as her right art being too long and, I believe, her body being too wide. The latter there also contributed to my struggle with her left hand since I measured its length based upon the position of the shapes of her clothing and that in turn made the hand far longer than it needed to be, initially.

From there I moved on to some personal drawing. Just quick sketching. Trying something a little different than my usual approach today. Just started laying down lines without any real plan. Tried to keep my stylus on tablet as much as possible and just draw, gradually pulling out the lines that I found to be working more. I feel like there's some success here. While it's all super loose and some of it just plain bad, there were certain areas where it helped me to discover shapes I would not have thought of had I been drawing more purposefully, and that was an enjoyable and enlightening experience. Expect to see more of this as I focus on drawing for myself for a while.

Well, that's it for day 37. Hopefully this artistic crisis will pass and I'll soon be back to my old chipper self.

More to come.

@castonia Thanks so much! I'm gonna have to take a little break from only doing studies as I was about to have a mental breakdown from stress, but I'm glad to know that there is visible improvement. I'll get back to them before too long.

Day 38

So I almost walked away from things today. I was so stressed out, I felt like a complete failure, I didn't even know if I wanted to be an artist. But I convinced myself that the main source of my stress was the fact that I had been focusing all my energy on studies and had no time to do any more creative/personal work. So I decided that for a while I'm going to step away from the studies and just focus on drawing for myself.

I literally had to force myself to sit down and draw after making that decision because, though I believed it academically, I didn't believe it in my soul. I'm so glad I did. Within minutes of just sitting down to draw for myself I could feel my stress levels dropping. They dropped so rapidly and to such a degree that afterward I found myself thinking "Maybe I'll do some studies tomorrow."

While I feel like that's a good indicator of an improvement in my mental state, I'm not just going to assume that it's all good. So I'm going to take a at least the rest of this week, maybe longer, and just draw for me. Then I'll reevaluate getting back to doing regular studies.

And who knows, a study or two may creep in this week. The difference would be that it's a study that I'm doing because I'm faced with a specific problem/question that I want to explore, not because I feel like I have to do studies every day.

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I feel like this is good for me for a number of reasons. Number one, and most interesting to me, it gets me experimenting with shapes that I may not have come across any other way. So far both yesterday and today I've found myself, in at least one notable instance, drawing things in a way that I probably wouldn't have if I had taken a more structured approach.

The second is that, in conjunction with this blog, it really forces me to get over showing things that are polished or "complete" in anyway. These drawings are little more than scribbles. There are certainly a lot of ways in which they could be improved. But that's not the point. The point is to draw and draw whatever. If I find an idea Iike then I can take it and refine it and make it more "complete."

This is piece I've been working on for, well, a lot longer than I would like to say. This is actually version 3 and will be the final redo of this character. Today I just took some time to block out the pose a bit and started sketching in a few of the larger details.

This is a part of a "Draw it Again" meme that I've been wanting to do. I'll keep the original held back for now so when it's finished we can have a more significant comparison.

Well, I can say that I feel so much better today. Still a little stressed, but nowhere near where I was. We'll see what the next few days bring as I focus on just drawing for me. Who knows what interesting things I'll discover.

More to come.

Day 39

I'm going to try and keep it short today. We'll see how that turns out.

I believe that I'm going to have to start moving to once a week posts, at least here on the forums. I will probably try to continue my daily vlog at least for a while simply because it has been such a powerful motivator for me, but that in addition to these daily posts take up so much of my time right now. Time I can't afford. We'll see what actually happens, but right now I plan to continue posting daily until Sunday, and then I'll move to once a week.

So right off the bat I feel like we have a good example of how I would like to move forward with things for a while. Yesterday during my quick sketch I drew a character with glasses. I had wanted to have him posed as though he was adjusting his glasses, but I struggled figuring out the hand gesture and just couldn't get it right.

So today I took some photo referance of myself adjusting my own glasses and used that as a reference to try and figure out that hand gesture. And for the most part I feel it was quite successful. After a couple of attempts.

Then, after my usual "I don't know what to draw so I'm drawing a face" I managed to sneak in a few things that were outside my normal comfort zone. A few super rough in perspective forms.

Continuing work on this character I'm trying to block out the big details as much as possible. Got most of them at this point, though there are still a few that need some work or are just absent.

Doing this today put me in mind of something that Scott Robertson talks about in some of his videos. That a single line, even if it's a little shaky, will always read better than multiple lines drawn on top of each other. The multiple lines create a contrast that may not be wanted in the image and the viewers eye is inevitably drawn more to them than other elements that may be more important.

This is something that I think I'm going to work on applying, even in my quick sketching. Trying more often to just draw one line, even if it's not a perfect line, and conveying the idea that way. It can always be cleaned up and "designed" down the road.

Good things to think about. Always growing, always learning.

More to come.

Day 40

Really not much to say today.

On a few occasions throughout my life when faced with a difficult situation it has felt like a switch in my head, perhaps labeled "I can do it, it's easy" on one end and "I can't do it, it's hard" on the other, has suddenly flipped. When this happens things that I previously struggled with suddenly become simple, straightforward, a matter of course, without bothering to pass through any other stage.

It doesn't happen very often, and I wish I knew what triggered it. But I almost feel like that happened with my art this past week. Not that I've suddenly improved or gotten so much better at things than I previously was, but simply that the mental blocks I've faced, the incredibly self criticism that wouldn't even let me just mess around without feeling like it had to be perfect, have somehow disappeared.

Maybe it won't last. Maybe it's just a temporary thing, but for right now I feel like I'm seeing things differently than I ever have before.

I feel like I may truly be able to love the process and not just the product. I hope it's true.

So today I just wanted to try and apply what I studies yesterday. So I redrew an approximation of the same character in the same pose and tried to get the hand looking right. Didn't quite succeed, but I got a lot closer than I did the first time and I feel particularly pleased because this is all purely from memory, didn't have either of the previous images open or any photo reference while doing this.

Really worked hard to just draw the lines that were needed. One line at at time. Evaluate, then either correct or move on (usually to come back and correct anyway after a few more lines are in place for comparison). It's a difficult process and one that is counter to how I've often worked before, but I think it's good for me to keep trying it. It gives my lines a confidence and clarity that I usually don't see.

Although I've just noticed an unfortunate near-tangent on his ear that makes it look like his glasses go over the outside of his hear rather than behind it.

Continuing to block in the major details on this character. After some considerable effort I feel like I've got that hand holding the gun looking good. Not perfect, I'll have to do something about that right side where the grip of the gun seems to merge with the side of his hand, but a solid start and probably one of the more challenging elements of the image all blocked-in.

So that's it for day 40. It is now the weekend and I really hope to be able to use my time and draw a lot more. Maybe make some significant progress on this character. We'll see what happens.

More to come.