Sorry for the rough paintover. Was using a mouse!
You have a couple things going for you. There is a sense of scenery, and you have a purpose for the piece, it has a literal meaning and it showcases a dramatic event. So, I kind of like it!
You do however have quite many issues related to form and texture and just shapes in general. The anatomy is off and it feels kind of like a hieroglyphic because of how you're portraying everything from the side, basically flattening the piece. I also thought the noise in the sides were supposed to be some rocky environment, before realizing they were supposed to be flames ( That is also why you'll see some rocky texture in my paint over, woops ).
So, just generally. I think what you needed, was mostly contrast. To show a dramatic scene, you need dramatic lighting that causes strong contrast. This can be seen in typical renaissance artworks, and it works. The idea with your piece, was to make the "rocky" background darker. Upon realizing it was fire, it also worked, as fire at this intensity tends to be smoky and quite black, with occasional light that pokes through.
Anyway. I feel like you didn't really use reference, and I think that would've helped a lot. Either way, good job! Hope this helped.
Oh yea, had to edit my post to say 1 more thing. I kind of cut out some of the sides, as bringing the characters closer makes the moment more intense and personal, therefore more dramatic!
